The End of the Jacques Cousteau Tour. Perhaps.

And so our 2014 Tour - the Jacques Cousteau Tour - came to a rather premature halt in familiar territory: in the lovely sweeping chalkland overlooked by Old Winchester Hill.

There are three ways to be sure that you're playing at a proper farming gig. First, and most obviously, the venue is full of farmers - including special guest David Handley of FFA. Second, the venue smells of sheep, being a big new concrete barn that, until moments before we arrived, must have had several hundred of 'em inside. And third, what sounds like the worlds most unoriginal click-track - a single pulse every five seconds - is, in fact, an electric fence energiser just outside the barn interfering with the PA. I bet my cousin Rupert Flindt (top sound engineer at the BBC) never has that problem when he's setting up Elbow at the Albert Hall.

 

Here we see Todd manfully trying to balance our rich, nuanced output against some raw whitewashed walls. Helen bravely took over later, and then Simon arrived to twiddle the knobs as we got going. I did ask Helen (rather late in the evening) if it had gone well. "Shmm fibble wuttle snibs tee hee puppies burp" she explained. 

 

See what I mean about the walls? Note the two groupies staring wistfully out of the barn, thinking of all the shopping they'd rather be doing.

The view out of the barn.

Anyway, the punters poured in - helped, no doubt, by the signs cluttering half of central southern Hampshire. It was pointed out that a 'D' was perhaps missing from the end of the first word. And despite all the moaning about the walls and the concrete, we has a great evening, and we hope everyone else did. I thought we were technically on top form - nice to have Quentin back from his conference. I asked how it had gone, and he told me: "I can make a window to discuss your compatible incremental resources." Which was nice of him.   There was a lot of dancing, lots of cheering, and - bizarrely - a vast crate of Magnum ice creams for everyone to enjoy. Mix that with a few pints of beer, a burger, a sausage or two, leap around for a bit to some classic tunes from the sixties right up to the present day.........Maybe it wasn't sheep that the barn smelt of.

Perhaps Helen should have the last work of the Tour: "Fshmuggly!"

Can that really be it for 2014?



Back hard at it.

Nice Volvo.....

The blog has been very quiet recently. It's not right, you know. Mind you, there a very good reason for it. We'd been booked for the inaugural 'T in the Dark' festival in the windswept beauty of West Stratton. And a small problem had arisen. Quentin the drummer was unavailable. He would be away at a conference discussing  'organisations believing in integrated transitional projections, while needing to get on-message about thier third-generation contingencies.'


A drummer was needed. Up steps Tai to fill the breach. However, volunteering to learn three hours' worth of hits from the Sixties right up to the present day is not to be taken lightly. Especially for one so young as Tai. And there were moments during the weeks of rehearsals when it seemed that the task may be proving just a bit too much.


However, we should have had no concerns at all. All the phenomenal effort that she put in paid off handsomely, as, after only a few bars of the first song, it became obvious that she was going to be fine - more than fine, bloomin' marvellous. In fact, as soon as this became apparent, we all played our socks off. We over-ran the 11pm finish time handsomely, and no-one cared. A great evening.

One day, when the Rock Gods decree that we need a new name, we need look no further than what was written on the stage on Saturday: Fish Salad Bar 2.

Setting up in the afternoon........

The Thomas Lord Old Gits in full cry.....I think. They can be recognised by their shirts. I think Dave and Tai are there somewhere!

Another milestone

Today the blog had its 30,000th viewing.

A half gig.

For Jo's party, she asked a selection of the hard-core Open Mic Nighters to come along and entertain was what a suspiciously young crowd. Some of the TLOGS were there, some of the Byron Project, and this week's line-up of Vacant Landing.

And so, for one night only, it was a big West Meon welcome for the Vacant Gits Project.

Bonus Quiz Question: which member of VGP doesn't know how 'Hey Jude' goes? Answer on 0898 672910 (£3.50/min)

The JC Tour continues....

Hardly had the famous dust settled from the opening gig of the Jacques Cousteau Tour than we were back down to the Thomas Lord for our second session down there in eight days. It was Graham and Vikki's wedding anniversary bash - somebody did tell me what particular anniversary it was, but I didn't believe it could be that many - and it was, in theory, a closed pub/invite-only bash. You could have fooled me - from behind the organ it looked like the whole of the village was there anyway. Maybe that's why we all love West Meon.

Anyway, we weren't the only band there - it was a bit of an allsorts evening, but we thought we played well, and had a thoroughly good time. And you know the TLOGS Motto: we enjoy ourselves; if anyone else does, it's a bonus.

Many congratulations to G & V.

Sssshh - top secret

This is a Northrop Grumman B2  'Stealth' bomber. It is famous for many reasons. It is almost undetectable, using a clever combination of black, radar-absorbing paint and by having not a single square edge on it. Its payload has unimaginable power, and strikes fear into the heart on the unwelcome. There's hardly a distinguishing feature to be seen on it - not a badge, not a label, not nuffink. 'Stealth' indeed - no other name suited it.

So, we are proud to present what must be called, using the same reasoning, the Thomas Lord Old Gits' Stealth Trailer:

Finally....the Jacques Cousteau Tour starts.

Most of Southern England had a bit of a shock on Monday: cars from Kent to Cornwall had a fine layer of dust on them. The meteorologists had a fancy explanation that involved low pressure to the West of Africa sending Saharan dust high into the atmosphere, then north, whence it was rain-washed to the English countryside. This is utter bollocks of course - the day the Met Office get anything right will be the day they explain why there has been no Global Warming for seventeen years.

It's far simpler than that: the Thomas Lord Old Gits opened the 2014 Jacques Cousteau Tour at their home pub, and, without a shadow of a doubt, whipped up one hell of  storm. We were on great form - smoothly continuing our form from Monday's rehearsal. Perfect for blowing the cobwebs - and dust - out of the system.

Nice to see Tod and Helen getting into the spirit of Jacques Cousteau by flooding their house ten minutes before we were due to start playing. Luckily, a stopcock was eventually found, and the TLOGS were able to carry on and perform. As Helen so succinctly put it at about midnight, "Fsssr sshmuffin fssogggle nug tee hee burp!"

John's JC Tour preparation

'Nuff said!

Two more rehearsals done.

We've had a couple more rehearsals in the run-up to the JC Tour.

The first was moderately successful, although only four of us could make it. It was St Patrick's Day, so we marked the occasion by enjoying some potcheen and hitting each other over the head with a shille   shallallal   shileigh   large knotted stick. Actually, we didn't. Every man and his dog, from Barraco Barmer to Mother Theresa seem to become conveniently Oirish for the day, so we felt we didn't need to.

The second was a full house except John, who once again is enjoying a British Seedhouses conference while surrounded by lashing of white powder. There was something very odd about this rehearsal: it was one of the best we can remember - and after over five years of rehearsals, that's quite something. Not sure what was behind it. It could have been the fact that we tried playing everything 50% faster than normal - but I suspect it was because there's a realisation that the JC Tour kicks off on Sunday.

Let's hope we didn't peak too soon.

Our next support band.

I've asked this lot to open for us this Summer:

IF can get past two minutes, you win a prize.

Best video of the week.

The mighty One Direction at work....or is it?

This week's rehearsal

Full house.


Full on.



Full volume.*









(*We might have to watch this - there were grumbles from locals....)

Tod is back

....and he has holiday pictures.

You have been warned.

Monday's rehearsal

We had a splendid get-together on Monday. Tod was still on honeymoon - or may have been mid-air at that particular time - but we had a full contingent otherwise. It was loud, it was productive, and was just the thing to get everyone in the mood for the forthcoming tour.

Particular attention was paid to Down, Down - even if Dan's cheapo guitar kept playing up in the middle of it. We seem to be struggling with the 'counting to 5' bit in Don't Bring Me Down', despite helpful advice from behind the huge organ to count to nine instead.

Bring on the Tour.

Mothering Sunday

The first gig of the Jacques Cousteau Tour will be on Mothering Sunday - NOT 'Mothers' Day', which is a horrible Americanisation of a fine British tradition. (See 'Groundhog Day' vs. 'Candlemas') It's a good thing Granny Flindt isn't around any more, or she'd be tracking down all those referring to 'Mothers' Day' and beating them round the head with a bag full of rock cakes.

Anyway, talk at rehearsal was of a new band pic for the occasion, featuring us all with daffodils. And just look what I found in Granny Flindt's huge drawer of old pictures:

 

 

My big brother, who took the picture, has helpfully written on the back: 'Charlie being a poof.'

Ah, the good old 1970's, eh?

 

Last night's rehearsal

There was a small gathering in Shed 3b as we all realised that there appears to be a tour on the way. Dave couldn't make it due to pressures of work, and Tod is, of course, still on honeymoon in Oz, no doubt thrilling his new family with interesting facts about the geology of South eastern Australia.  Good luck with that, Helen.

Capt Kidneystones dropped in to help out with backing vocals and insults - the experience no doubt helping to soften the blow of not getting the job with the Chalk Flowers. Here we see him and John enjoying a well-earned break.

 
 




















We had a good run through of the set list, skipping the odd one or two which were impractical due to missing personnel. I'm not sure we were very good - 'rusty' would be a polite word for some of our renditions. In fact, were we a tribute band dedicated to an 80s white reggae band, I know what we'd call ourselves.

Another gig

Great news - another gig has been sorted, and, once again, it's in our home pub. See the Jacques Cousteau Tour page for details.

There has been a request for some Glenn Miller for this gig - a great idea. But where, oh where, would we find someone who plays (or used to, in 1975) trombone?

The Tour Poster

A big thank-you to Ian, who, despite being overwhelmed with work in the office, knocked this up:

The reserve bassist's birthday

January saw the reserve bassist's 19th birthday. And, as is traditional, there was a small gathering of his family and friends for tea, which included the compulsory caterpillar cake. Something rather odd had happened to the icing, and the once cheerful caterpillar was shedding sad black tears.We decided that it was now an Emo cake.

"That's handy" said one of reserve bassist's mates. "It'll cut itself."

Bad taste, but brilliant.

Changes in personnel

There have been a few changes in the last seven months. Mindy has left the West Meon Area, and gone to pastures new. There has been much discussion on a replacement,. but, as we all know, Mindy is unreplaceable, and so we're just going to have to do without her.

Exciting news that Ian the drummer has been replaced by Quentin from Advertising......mind you, he seems uncannily familiar in some ways.

There is a rumour doing the rounds that another well-known West Meon band have had a bit of a cull of female vocalists, and - even stranger - that Capt Kidneystones has been for an audition. Can't be true....can it?

Right, let's get this thing re-started

After a break of six - or is it seven? - months, the time has come to restart the blog.


Not a lot has happened in that time. We did a couple of low key gigs - one was in a tent at the Thomas Lord. The tent was very small, and was decorated with fairy lights, so we half expected to have little girls sitting our knees and telling us what they wanted for Christmas. Luckily (in these post-Saville days) nothing like that happened.


We did another gig at the Tichborne Arms, which was not our (or, specifically, the huge pianist's) finest hour. You couldn't move for toys being thrown out of prams. Anyway, they seem to have forgiven us, 'cos we're going back there.


Which brings us neatly to the main reason to restart the blog: without anyone trying very hard, a tour has materialised. It would appear that six dates have been booked with varying degrees of certainty. They have been listed on the Tour dates page.


Big thanks to John for coming up with the perfect name for the 2014 tour.


Please check your busy diaries against the list of gigs.